Walk Thought: The “Backdoor” to Motivation
“Walk Thoughts” are just as their name suggests - thoughts spurred on through time when my feet are grounded on the earth and my hair is blowing in the wind; moving in nature and being moved by nature. These are candid thoughts of mine (Dani) brought on by conversations with others, books, podcasts, music, or simply time of solitude. Though these thoughts are somewhat clinical in nature, they are held with an open palm, as they are designed to provoke MORE thought and may not be fully completed thoughts yet. Enjoy growing with me as we explore this together!
“That’s really cool. I’m just not motivated enough to do something like that.”
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Recently, the comment I often hear from friends and clients, “I just really don’t feel motivated,” has increasingly struck me. Lack of motivation is one of the key characteristics of Major Depression Disorder and PTSD, as well as a hallmark of other mental health-related symptoms such as burnout, compassion fatigue, general stress, anxiety, or the start of deeper rooted apathy.
I would not say that we could classify “motivated” as an emotion - it is more of a “state of being,” similar to that of “joyful,” “numb,” “lonely,” or “exhausted.” Though there are somatic sensations (or lack-there-of) associated with these words, they are not necessarily “emotions.” To me, they are less fluid than emotions (like happiness, sadness, anger, or fear). I like to visualize “states of being” like a house; sometimes, the front door is unlocked and you can stumble right on in (sometimes purposefully, other times accidentally, both typically connected to a series of intentional steps or choices in our life). Other times, however, it seems like we are locked out and without a key - that is where the “I just don’t feel motivated” comment comes in. Regardless of how you enter in, these “states of being” are a bit more of a residence than typical emotions; we tend to "make camp” here for a longer duration of time, and they inform our rapidly-changing emotions.
Some might suggest that when the door to motivation is locked, we just bulldoze through the front door, “Well, you don’t need to feel motivated to do the things, you just have to toughen up and do them.” Though this strategy is successful for some people and has some valuable roots (such as the idea that living life based on how we feel can be fickle and limiting), it seems impractical for many, and honestly can be quite overwhelming. Again, using the house visualization, that would be like getting out the wrecking ball and smashing down the walls as your main method of entering your house every single day. There is indeed an element to motivation that involves desire and willingness, and I would safely assume that more often than not brute force does not cultivate that long term. It could, in fact, do the opposite over time.
This is where I began to wonder, “So, the front door is locked. What about access through the backdoor?” The more I thought about this, the more one word rang in my ears: DISCIPLINE. It feels a bit less forceful to me than a bulldozer or wrecking ball. Discipline can be defined by Mirriam Webster as “training that corrects, molds, or perfects moral character.” Read that again. Training…
If you know me, you know I love training. Give me a training plan and -mmm- there is something just so invigorating about that structure in my life. If you’ve ever trained for something, you quickly learn that quality training does NOT involve that bulldozing or wrecking ball strategy of immediate (forced) result. [I often had to learn this the hard way.] You want to run a marathon but never ran a mile? No problem, it is absolutely possible, but you will first have to run a mile. Before that, you may even be walking some miles. And before that, you’ll probably have to do some learning about shoes and other gear that will support your journey. But if you discipline yourself to stick to the training set before you, you will run that marathon.
“So, how does this tie-in to not feeling motivated? Because I would think people who run marathons are generally very motivated people. Their houses of motivation are like full on mansions!”
- Maybe, but this is not always the case. I would say for many people, they don’t necessarily look forward to the hard work that goes into a 20-mile training run…or maybe more practically, having the hard conversation with your spouse that you’ve been procrastinating about, or returning a phone call that makes you anxious, or even taking the first step towards apologizing to a friend you’ve wronged. These things are hard to “feel motivated” to do. But in reality, with discipline as our “backdoor” to the house of motivation, we can enter in with less force and more grace.
The cost: It will require some patience…
You know, the other definition of discipline that stuck out to me was so simple - “self-control.” I think this is often thought of in the context of holding ourselves back from something bad for us; maybe abstaining from binging alcohol, not eating the entire batch of brownies [guilty], or not reacting out of anger. This reminded me that self-control can also be positive action rather than passive/protective inaction - consistent forward motion, faithfulness to “the training,” whether it is for a marathon or for consistently attending classes or starting out on your new wellness journey. Patient progress is a form of self-control.
My final walk thought on this matter is what I call the “sister-strategy” to discipline, which is STEWARDSHIP. I feel like this is a concept that has fallen out of cultural relevance but is so powerful in its relationship to motivation. If I dislike and/or do not care for what I have at this very moment, how can I expect myself to “feel motivated” to progress? If I want to run that marathon but I skip all of my workouts, I am not caring for the body I currently have, so how can I expect it to feel ready to do an incredibly difficult, bigger, harder task? I think practically, stewardship can look like cultivating your already healthy relationships if you desire more or new healthy relationships, intentionally observing gratitude if you are hoping to experience more optimism in your life, or even cleaning up your individual space if you are hoping to have an overall cleaner home.
Funnily enough - the word “steward” actually used to be a job title for someone who was the manager of a large household. I think that is pretty ironic, seeing that we have been using that visualization all along. You want to live in a house of motivation? You have to be a steward of that estate. And if the front door is locked, the backdoor is always open - it is the small, patient acts of discipline that lead you in.
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“That’s really cool. I wonder what is within me that can get me one step closer to something like that…”
